Parenting is tough for everyone but even more so when you are a single parent. My first child came along in 2002 when I was 30 years old while living in Sydney, Australia after a heartbreaking miscarriage.
Myself and my partner muddled through the first three years but things changed and parenting so far away took its toll on our relationship. There is a lot to be said about having the support of grandparents, family and friends. When you live away, that’s what you don’t have – that support. I did feel isolated and I made the hard decision to come back to Dublin with my son and start over, alone. I returned in 2005 and came back, not getting the grandparent support I needed but actually both my parents got ill in the space of six months. Myself and my siblings helped my dad with my mam after she was diagnosed with Alzheimers at the age of 63 and then we helped my dad get through his own health issues on top of our own family responsibilities.
Starting over again at age 34 was not part of my future plan. So, I had to find an outlet for myself to cope. I was always fascinated with the logistics of how newspapers worked and I loved writing personal stories so a Journalism course was the perfect choice for me. I found a Further Education Course in Dun Laoghaire Further Education Institute and I found my ‘staying sane’ solution. I went from there after completing a two year course, into the Technology University Dublin (formerly DIT) and got my BA degree three years later. One of the proudest times in my life.
During my final year studying, I met a new partner and felt I was ready for another shot at being in a relationship again. But, when I finished my journalism degree in college at the ripe old age of 40, I also found myself pregnant with twins at age 41. My eldest son was now 11 and just on his way into secondary school. I found myself yet again as a solo parent except now it was with three children, two of them just babies. Did I learn from the first time? It seemed not.
Aoife Lee is a parent, a parent coach and founder of www.parentsupport.ie Lee says that, “Solo parenting brings a mix of emotions for many, it is something both incredibly challenging and rewarding, it’s not just parenting without a partner, it’s carrying the emotional, mental, financial, and practical load whether that single parent has support or not. Many single parents or carers hold high expectations of the role they play, making sure their family has enough of everything.”
For me, those first years of caring for twin babies are a blur and I sometimes get flashbacks of bins full of nappy bags, endless bottle feeding (not a chance of breast feeding twins) and even more relentless sleepless nights! I had one baby that slept good and the other one didn’t. I was constantly in my pyjamas. My double buggy didn’t fit properly through my front door, so I had to lift and tilt it on one side – which might seem doable but try do it without waking up two babies! When they slept, I slept. I became a 24 hour entertainer, a chef, a mediator, a negotiator, a doctor, a nurse and somewhere along the way, I lost – Yvonne, the person. I felt completely isolated from normality.
Aoife Lee recognises that sense of isolation, solo parents can feel and says that, “For parents or carers of twins, especially solo parents, isolation can be overwhelming, especially when you are restricted getting out. Practical supports like online support groups, scheduled virtual check-ins with another adult, or even planned weekly phone calls can make a real difference. Having one consistent person, professional, family or friends who checks in regularly can help anchor you emotionally. Structure is also protective. Gentle, realistic daily routines can be helpful for both the adults and children, creating predictability and consistency. Studying from home is a great opportunity to create purpose and independence, outside of parenting, and that is potentially a coping strategy, even if it doesn’t feel like one at the time.”
When the twins were settling into primary school and then suddenly not in school because of COVID – my mornings were a blur. On a good day, I squeezed in some exercise. On a tired day (and there were plenty of those), I could be running on one hour of sleep after yet another sleepless night. The rest of the mornings were spent cleaning, shopping and juggling appointments for whatever the kids needed. One child needed glasses, the other had speech therapy and both had their fair share of vomiting bugs, coughs, flu…and, of course, Covid. With twins, illnesses tend to come as a package deal – either at the same time, or one right after the other. They both got chickenpox the day before starting primary school.
Afternoons were another kind of chaos: negotiating homework time slots, prepping dinner, checking emails, scheduling meetings and writing articles like this one. And through all of it, there’s the constant mom guilt – especially around after-school activities, as I just couldn’t fit it all in. On top of it all, my eldest son was getting older and trying to navigate his own way in the world as an adult.
I found my days, weeks were overwhelming at times and it felt so monotonous for a long time. At times, I would just accept that this was my life for now but that acceptance was hard, particularly when you know you want to do more with your life and time is running out. Through those many groundhog days, I talked to myself a lot and said things like “it won’t stay the same forever” or “just hang in there.” I joined writing groups when my children were in school and education was definitely my safety net as I went on to complete two more Post Grads. Education in general saved me from going inward. I also learned to drive at age 45 which made my daily life a lot easier.
Lee shares her thoughts on the challenges some of her clients have also faced, “The biggest challenge I see is the intensity, overwhelm and feeling lonely. Unless there is consistent support, for many, often there is no break, no shared decision-making, no one to tag in when you are exhausted or unwell. That responsibility can quietly impact a parent’s sense of self. Many solo parents carry enormous guilt for feeling overwhelmed, when the system around them often isn’t designed to support one-adult households. Emotional loneliness is also huge, even when you are never physically alone. That’s why compassion, validation, and practical support matter so deeply. Solo parents don’t need to be told to be stronger, they need to be supported better.”
The reality of solo parenting is learning how to cope in ways that work for your life – leaning on family or friends, finding a creative outlet, working when possible, or simply accepting the role you’re in and asking for support wherever you can find it. It does take a village, but that village doesn’t have to be a big one. Sometimes, a small, self-built village can be more than enough to keep everyone standing.
Published in the Irish Independent on 4/2/2026